FartmonstergoesFARTnotRAWR

My title is soooo lame. Haha.
Well today the radiostation 106.7 decided to visit our school, but barely any students came to support it.
I went cuhs on the announcements, it said they would give out free stuff, but it got boring so Arimi, Sandy, and I left and went to our "little corner(:" as Courtney says a.k.a. the front of the school.
School was normal. Today Marjorie told me something abnormal and Jennifer and I gushed over it like the girls we are tend to do. ;]
Biology test was okay. My test version was 07 and seven is my lucky number so I felt pretty good about the test.
Credit Recovery, we took a test. Students wanted the notes up on the board, and the guy that sits next to me, Elias(I think) and I rock-paper-scissored with Mr. A to keep the notes on the board, but we both lost. So the notes were erased.
After, going to tutor, I came home and realized that I didn't have my keys! I barely got home juss now and it's like 8.
I called Jay Lee and asked him to open the door for me, and he let me stay at his house.
LMAOOO. He's so nice when he wants to be. You know I haven't seen him since like 4 months ago, and we're neighbors! That's juss sad. D=
First we were sitting on the sofa talking, and he would NOT tell me a story. >:[
So I told him a story with a refrigerator involved in the plot and I made him smileeee.(:
We were gonna play Brawl on his Wii, but his brother, Kenny let somebody borrow it. -.-;;
Kenny kept coming out to pee! He pees so much. He didn;t know I was there so I lied down on the sofa to hide and I could hear him pee and whistle. LOL. xD
Then I tried teaching Jay French, and he said I sound totally Asian accented. Grrr.
We went out so he could teach me to skate. I fail at doing olleys. He promised he wouldn't laugh, but he laughed at me while I was in my fail moments of attempting to skate and stumbling off the skateboard. I mean, I'm not so skillful like him.
I told him I was scared that I'd fall, and he was like, "So? I fall all the time." So I said, "You're a guy. You can man it up."
Then he came with a [lameee] comeback. "You're a girl. You can girl it up. Put some glitter on it!" Gosh.<3 Oh yeah! HE GOT SO FRIIKING TALL! Like no kidding! He got so tall, I reach his eyes now. :[ I used to be the same height as him. Ugh, I'm so short. I tried teasing his hair, but his hair is all silky lusciously like a girl's hair so it wouldn't stay. I want his hair! So undamaged!
Then we looked at his baby pictures! I'm the first non-family member to see them! I'm so special. :D He was so Q when he was a baby!
Bahaha. I feel bad cuhs I stayed at his house for like over an hour. x[ Then my dad came home and yelled at me for losing my keys; so I'm gonna go look for it.



My day was decent, but I think my mom's sick. (Cancer?) I pray for her every night. I want her to be healthy. :[

Skylar Rose

That's what I want to name our daughter. If God ever gives me the chance to make it up.
You're right. You do know me most.

And I thought I was the one who was utterly clueless.
It's okay. I understand. I know how it feels.
It was me who has always been in your position before.
You don't know how I'm trying to keep my head in my studies.
How scary my parents are. How scared I am.
How afraid I was to talk to you online fearing that your parents would be there.
How guilty I felt sneaking calls. How stupid I was to even think I could escape your grasp.
I hate the way you trash talk about me to others. I'm that low to you.
I hate how hurtful your words may be. More hurtful than a punch to my face.
It makes me restless, melancholic, and crazy for hours. I keep saying they're words, but they're your words.
I hate being home. The bed, the sofa, Munchkin, the bathroom counter, my mirror. You're reflected off of everything.
I hate how I'm trapped, how stupid I was, how stupid I am.
I hate how I always chased after you and decided I wanted you to chase after me, and you turned around because you didn't want to run.
I hate the way you treat me. I'm not even a human being to you. I'm some dog.
How I'm never worth your time, how you never keep your words, how our pinky promise means nothing.
I tried to keep the tension in my house low; tried to keep my promise with my mom.
I didn't succeed in that, and only gained your hatred instead. I've lost everything.
I have nothing to lose and I'm trying so hard to gain my happiness back, but it's gone.
I'm scared to even post this because you'll give me back harsh feedback.
When you told me you would have done everything last month, that was a bluff.
I wanted you to come to school and be standing there by my locker.
I wanted you to be by the green gates at 6pm when I came back from tutor.
I got nothing but the wind and the sounds of trees rustling, people talking, life moving.
I give up. I do. I'm so sick and tired of all this going around in circles.
It's been this way ever since May of last year. I hate this feeling I get every time we're not connected.
I hate that you neglect the thought of us ever having something. More than something even.
Maybe it was my fantasies and wishes. I loved every single fucking moment of it though.
Is this God's idea of a punishment? He's doing a really good job of it.
No. I'm sorry God. I know you love me.
I'm sorry I threw away family, friends, and my life for him. I couldn't help it.
Remember I used to pray every night to you begging for forgiveness and asking you to let us be together.
I prayed to you telling you that I loved him. That I was stupid, but I loved him, and that I'd try to fix it.
I only fucked things up. What am I going to do with myself?
Now it's back to crying. I hate pitying myself. I hate this whole situation life traps me in.
I wish I had no worries like before. I hate the complications. I'm too dumb for this.
I'm back to being the pathetic obnoxious girl trying so hard to get something so out of reach.
I wish if I walked past, he'd fall right back in love again. That won't happen will it?
Like the time after our first super huge argument in June. It was all hell and the next day, I was safe and warm in his arms again? No it's not. I'm scared. The world is too big and too critical for me to face on my own.


And now nobody holds my hands or smiles for me anymore.

Gibberish

I went to target and bought myself hairspray. YAYYYY!
My dad didn't buy me the Sims2 Double Deluxe no matter how much I pleaded him and told him I'd pay him back.
He bought me 1/2 pound of shrimp and cajun fries from Boiling Crab though. I love that place!
I brought my food home and watched Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets.
Now all the characters are all grown up! Tom Felton who plays Draco Malfoy, man, he is hothothawt.<3
I cut my index finger while peeling shrimp. It hurts, but then again I'm being dramatic.
I bandaged it up.

Cavewoman

Being grounded has made me so cuh-ray-zee.
I now read FMLs and play omgpop every weekends.
I even made a stupid video and now is trying to learn this song on my mini piano.

LMAO. I'm such a retard. I failll. My piano is small and cute. Sophia Xue gave it to me.<3

Well I'm gonna go practice some moreeee! :D

Galaxies and stars

can't compare to my love.

I worked my ass off on that letter.
It's cold. I'm cold. I feel colder than the temperature outside. It's so dreary.
It's stupid of me to have thought your smile meant something and your words were true.
It's okay. I won't let myself regret it because I'm the one that never stopped. I succeed.
Such harsh words obviously hurt because I thought we had something together.
No whatevers. Just walking straight past. It'll disappear. I'll disappear.

My dad doesn't notice that I got a haircut. Lol.

I cut my bangs today! It looks wretched. ^_________^
Yesterday, Tiffany and I walked to Tastea's and we walked Patrick home.
He was being a bully and kept trying to flatten down my hair.
Then we made a bet that if I whined or screamed during the walk, I'd owe him money for every time I screamed or whined.
I owe him 3 fucking dollars. T_______T
Then me and Tiffany went to Lee's to pee and buy coconut pancakes.
Then we were walking back to Bolsa and we told ghost/scary stories. A bus went past and we both got scared. D:
Then Tiffany left after a while and then Johnny bought me a chocolate dick icecream and it melted all over me.
I know how to break dance! (pfft i wish) And we told stories in a triangle with him and my best friend.

I worked/stressed myself out for stupid shit yesterday. Ugh. Why do I even bother?

Twilight fans and hot chocolate

I blame the sofa. Yes and that stupid wrapper.
I'm stuck home every weekend with nothing much to do.
This is so pathetic. I read fmylife.com and looked at pictures of the Twilight cast basically the whole day.

See what I mean? But I honestly love these two pictures.

Mannn Twilight obsessed fangirls are so. Idk. It's annoying.
They need to get a life and their own boyfrands! Edward is Bella's! And I prefer Jacob.
Even Taylor Lautner is cuter than Robert Pattinson.
I read Twilight twice when I was in seventh grade. It's that old!
I remember seeing that book at Lanier Middle School's book fair. It caught my eye immediately.
Sadly, I didn't have enough money so I didn't buy it. I found it at Borders and bought it later on in the year.
I remember that day when it snowed, and school was canceled cuhs of icy roads.
I was snuggled up in bed with Mimi by my side reading Twilight with my silver lamp on and my MP3 radio on to Hot 99.5.
Then Hannah Yoon called me out to play with her in the snow so I left the book on my bed and dressed in a puffy winter outfit.
After, I came home and drank a cup of hot coco specifically made with milk for creaminess.
I miss it.
I'm so hungry right now. I'm gonna go make myself clam chowder. I should watch Nick&Norah's Infinite Playlist.
Or read the book all over again. I love the book so much. It's so cute!
Nick
I do close my eyes. I hear the cars passing, not just in front of us, but on the streets throughout the grid. I hear the buildings yawning into space. I hear my heartbeat. I have this momentary fantasy that she's going to lean over and kiss me again.
Norah
Here I am at the crossroads of the world, with shining red-and-white neon lights and yellow taxis, humming with action and pulsing with music and people, danger and excitement, but hearing Dad's voice, it's like I am five years old again and he's tucking his little princess into bed.
I love it. They should totally make a movie for Naomi&Ely's No Kiss List also.
Man I'm gonna go microwave me some New England Clam Chowder now. Yummy.
I hate how my Shift key is being a motherfucking retard.

You+Me=Us?

This is so hard for me. I feel like a stupid slut. I let my stupid hormones/yearnings take over my heart.
I've always been the one advising others not to follow their hearts. I think I'm following my advice right now.
I came soooo far. I'm scared if I glance back, I'll turn around and throw it all away again. Just for you.
I have so much to tell you. If only I could.
I have to stop being so stupid. I need to set limits. I have to stop. Yeah I'm probably a stupid slut like you say.
Maybe I AM wrong. Maybe I'm the one that has changed.
It's complicated. I want this, but I want that also. The only reason I'm blogging is to let it out.
I never told you to read my blogs. You make me smile even if you're being a jerk.
This burden/stress is pulling me down. It feels worser than a Fear Factor episode.
You're really killing my mood right now. Like really. I'm on the verge of being disgusted.
I wish that you'd still be the closest thing ever. My half. My hippo.
It seems like a once upon a time. I'm hoping the future will ravel and let things work out.
I'm pretty shure you still care. You're not cruel. I know it.
I miss our adventures.
"Watching" movies, hugs, fighting on the streets, me sitting on the middle of the sidewalk with my pouty lips, you cursing, me yelling, us walking and yelling, people staring, making up, making out, busing to Photosticker,
I still love Lee's Sandwiches. Your words that are trying to push me down and break me apart, I'll ignore.
You're only cold-hearted because you can't have what you want.
I miss your bed, wearing your boxers, struggling with your PS3, piggybacks. ^____^
I'm keeping our pinky promise. Life might not be fulfilling enough for me, but your impact on my life is exciting enough.
I need a fresh start. Forget the past. Start another story ona clean empty page.
I'm glad I'm not crying as much nowadays. I don't care. Get over me. It'd be like Arial without her voice.
I would do so many things to make this better if I weren't in this position right now.
Us seperating was a thing nobody expected. It was like OMFG TROY AND GABRIELLA BROKE UP.
I guess I should get used to it. I like this freedom. I wish you were more open and trusting.
I'm always going around in circles with you. Forever and ever interwined with this feeling.
I don't regret anything. I know what's going to happen later on. Guess I'm the winner then? ;]

I guess you're right. You+Me=Me+You. There's no Us, and you're not fixing it.
I care deeply, but I'm just going to go wherever I end up going. It's a matter of faith and time.